New

I've never really loved the idea of New Year's Resolutions. I think we should be constantly checking ourselves and making goals not just at the beginning of a new year, but always. But I do love something new. A new day. A new week. A new semester. A new job. A new pair of shoes. A new book. A new shirt. A new year. There is something refreshing about new.

I read this talk by Jeffrey R. Holland. It's entitled The Best is Yet to Be. He talks of Lot's wife and her mistake in looking back, longing for the past. In Genesis 19:17 it states "Look not behind thee". I think of this in two ways. Don't look back to previous mistakes and don't look back longing for the "happier times". As I approach 2012, I think about mistakes I made in 2011, and in previous years, and I also think that there may be times this coming year when I will wish to go back to "happier times". So, I've decided to make "Look not behind thee" my theme for 2012.

Elder Holland's thoughts on "looking not behind thee":

"As a new year begins and we try to benefit from a proper view of what has gone before, I plead with you not to dwell on days now gone nor to yearn vainly for yesterdays, however good those yesterdays may have been. Remember that faith is always pointed toward the future."

"You can remember just enough to avoid repeating the mistake, but then put the rest of it all on the dung heap Paul spoke of to the Philippians. Dismiss the destructive, and keep dismissing it until the beauty of the Atonement of Christ has revealed to you your bright future. God doesn't care nearly as much about where you have been as He does about where you are and with His help where you are willing to go."

Although I don't want to dwell on the past, I do want to learn from it. There are habits I wanna change. And a new year is a great time to change. There are areas I need to improve. And again a new year is a great time to improve. I wanna grow. I can do this without looking behind me. I can also remember all the great times I've had in the past, but also look forward with faith and happiness in the future.

As I think about the new year, 2012, ahead of me I have no idea what it will bring. But I do know one thing. Graduation. After that, I have no idea.

I went to the dentist earlier this week. The dental assistant asked me if I'd like to make a check up for six months. I said "um, sure. I don't know where I'm going be in six months, but I'll just call and change it if I need to." She said "How about Thursday?" I said "uh, sure." She said "How about 3 o'clock?" Again, "uh, sure." It was weird and surreal to think I literally have no idea where I'm going to be when that dentist appointment comes around. Never in my life have I had that before. When I graduated high school I knew I'd be staying in Provo and going to BYU. But now, now I have no idea where I will be in six months. It's terrifying and exhilarating all at the same time.

So the new year. 2012. "Look not behind thee". Change. Improvement. Growth. Graduation. And the unknown.

Elder Holland says that "every day ought to be the start of a new year and a new life. Such is the wonder of faith, repentance, and the miracle of the gospel of Jesus Christ."

So I won't be making any New Year's Resolutions this year, but I will be making changes and improvements to start a new year and a new life. I know what I need to do. I know what I want to do. And I know I can do it.

Here's to the refreshment of a new year!

Wrong

Since June 3rd was the last time I blogged I figured it was about time to write again. I'm not sure why I stopped blogging, but here I am more than six months later blogging.

Six months is a long time and yet I can't think of what to blog about it. I'm sure I had great thoughts and ideas in those six months that would make great posts.

Here's something I've been thinking about. In May it will mark five years since my graduation from high school. Five years. Half a decade. I think about where I was then and where I am now. And I'm stinkin' proud of myself. I was so naive. Man, I thought I was the bees knees. Man, was I wrong. I thought a lot of things that were wrong.

I thought I would be friends with my friends in high school forever. I remember Dr. Fullmer telling us that we probably wouldn't be friends with the friends we had then after high school and for some us we would never see each other again. And I remember thinking you're wrong, Dr. Fullmer, I will be friends with these people forever! It turns out I was wrong. Now I find myself avoiding people I knew in high school. Not because I don't want to talk to them or see them, but because I'm a different person now than I was then. A whole different person. And it's okay that I'm not friends with my friends from high school. In fact, it's good in a way.

I thought I would be married maybe with a baby by the time my five year reunion came around. A lot, probably most, of the people I know from high school are married with kids. And most of them have blogs where they record their love for their husbands and children. They write about how cute their newborns smile is or how incredible their husband is. They may write about how fast their children are growing, their first word, their first step. After high school you're expected to go to college, get married, and start a family. Somehow being married and having kids has became a stigma of success. Of course I want those things and I look forward with anticipation to blogging about my husband and kids. But I don't base how successful I feel about my life on that.

I thought a lot more things that were wrong that don't need to be hashed out here. My point is that even though where I thought I would be or where society thinks I need to be I am proud of myself. And I'm grateful I'm here and not there. Right now I'm content. I'm successful. I'm proud of myself. I'm glad I was wrong. I'm glad I'm a whole different person now. Being wrong turned out to be right.

Will I go to my five year reunion like I always said I would? Probably not. Just another thing I was wrong about.

If Wishes Were Fishes

I went to the Verizon store today.

Bad idea.

I saw one these.

Now I really want one. Like a lot.

Too bad I'm so poor.

Change

A lot can change in a month and a half. It was April 15 when I last posted.

I finished the semester. With the best GPA I've ever had at BYU. Thank you!

I celebrated Kristen's graduation.

I didn't go to Ghana.

I had a birthday.

But the thing that changed the most in the past month and a half is that I lost someone I love. It was very hard, but I treasure those hard times I had. Because it was so hard and is now so personal I'm not sure if I'm ready or even if I will put it on the world wide web.

"In each case their passing has brought sorrow over the separation of friends. But in every case there have also been comfort and reassurance and certainty that death, though bitter to observe, is not the end, but is, rather, only another graduation from which we go on to a better life."

Gordon B. Hinckley

Wanted: Blog Topics

I've wanted to blog for the last three days. I keep bringing up a new blank post. But nothing comes. I don't know what to blog about.

So I'm opening it up to you readers (I know there are at least 10 of you).

What do you want me to blog about?

Make it good.

Gravity

Gravity. Something always brings me back. It holds me down when all I really want to do is fly.

September 1st-GO UTES!

I guess I'm just looking forward to a lot of great things!

I'm not sure what is about Utah football, but it makes me happy! And I especially can't wait to see the Utes play in the Pac-12. It's gonna be a good year.

I can't wait for September 1st. Seriously, I get so happy thinking about watching football games again. :)

Also, it was really great to watch Urban and Kyle talk about Utah football together!

May 1st

Going here is becoming more real each day.

In just a few short weeks I will be in Ghana doing what I love. I can already feel such a great love for the people there. I'm just itching to meet them, to talk with them, to laugh with them, to play with them.

I already feel such a connection. I heard Ghana a few times over the weekend listening to conference and watching the documentaries in between sessions. Each time I heard "Ghana" I got so excited and listened a little more intently.

I haven't even been yet and I'm already thinking about when I'll be able to go again.

I have so much to do before the semester is over. Presentations, pre-assessments, tests, quizzes, papers, work. And I have so much to do before I leave. Immunizations, doctors appointments, luggages, shoes, clothes, packing. But all I can think about is being there and serving and learning.

May 1st. Only 24 days away.

Too Bad

Today I held a boy's hand.

He was the most adorable boy.

And he smiled the whole time.

Too bad he was sick.

Too bad it was at work.

Too bad he was only 12 months old.

But boy was he cute!

Too bad he's not 20 years older.

Kiss That Frog

Watch this. Please.

Anyone else feel this way? :)

Busy

I'm currently working, volunteering, and "student-ing" with Intermountain Healthcare. They are getting their use out of me.

Flash Mob

Have you seen the Flash Mob craze these days?

I had seen a few videos. The proposal one. A few others.

BYU Marketing for Basketball decided to try to do one with the student section at the last BYU home game. They sent out a video to the students with the moves. I watched the video. And thought there is no way this going to work. There are too many moves. It will be so hard to learn.

I watched the video once. I don't have time to learn the moves! So the second to last home game they taught the dance to us. I was reluctant at first, but then it was kinda fun. Before the last home game, against Wyoming, we practiced again. I was excited to do it!

Here's the final product:

It was so fun!! And we got a standing ovation!

Amazed

You are never gonna guess who I got to meet today?

The one and only Stephanie Nielson.

And it was incredible. Life changing.

She came to the College of Nursing's Professionalism Conference. She told us about how she loves nurses, how they are her sisters, how they made the difference for her.

She told us how the nurses showed her love and gave her hope. How they told her mother the truth, but then gave her mother hope. She told us how the nurses pushed her and challenged her.

I cried. The whole time.

Afterwards, I got to hug her. And tell her how incredible I think she is. I got to thank her for sharing her story, for being an inspiration. (Something I have wanted to do for a long time now.)

She has such grace, beauty, strength, and humility. I am amazed by her.

And then....

At the end of our conference Paul Cardall spoke to us.

Paul Cardall is a four time billboard chart pianst. But he was also born with a congential heart defect. He survived 36 years with only half a heart. And then his heart started to fail him. He waited for over a year for a new heart. And on September 9, 2009 he got it! The doctors weren't sure if he would even survive surgery. But he did. Then they said he would spend 4 months in the hospital. He spent 2 weeks.

His story was incredible. His strength and determination were inspirational.

I am amazed by him.

As I went running tonight I thought about how grateful I am for people like Stephanie and Paul. And how grateful I am for my body, for my heart, for my lungs, and for the ability to run.

Just The Beginning

I want it to be May 1st. I wanna be in Ghana.

I had a meeting yesterday that made it seem so much more real. It got me really excited. And I'm so ready to be there and serving and working and seeing and taking everything in. I can't wait to see everything and hear everything and touch everything and taste everything and smell everything and fell everything. And take it all in.

I already love the people.

It's already starting to change my life.

I can't wait.

Still Running

My half marathon training is coming along. Very slowly. But surely I guess. It gets kind of discouraging sometimes, but somehow I'm still running.

This is what my legs look like after I run-I had shin splints for awhile, but I got a cold and stopped running for about week and the rest seemed to cure them. At least so far.

I have to admit though, I really do not like running. It takes about every ounce of motivation I have to get me to go everyday. I did not get the gene for a love of running from my mother. But, like I said, somehow I'm still running. It's a mystery. And a miracle.

But I also have to admit I feel really good after I'm done.

If I ever make it to this half marathon I'm pretty sure it will be the hardest thing I've ever done. And I know that will be extremely satisfying. Maybe that's where my motivation comes from.

Happy running!

Real Love

Happy Valentine's Day!

I hope you have enjoyed this day. Even if you don't have a 'significant other' you still have people you love and people who love you. I hope you are able to celebrate them today!

Here are some quotes from some pretty amazing people about love.

How do you show your love? President Monson gives some excellent advice here.

And one of my favorite Mormon Messages:

"Never let a problem to be solved become more important then a person to be loved."

And here's a song for all those like me today :)

Happy lover's day from me to you!

THE Mom

It's my mommy's birthday!

This woman is incredible. I love her. A lot.

She's turning 49. So in honor of that. Here's 49 reasons why she is the best mom and my hero.

(this is no particular order)

1. She gave birth to me. I'm learning more and more this semester how incredible that really was. Especially because I was 10 pounds 7 ounces.

2. She raised me to be stubborn and proud. Just like her.

3. My mom is the biggest and craziest Utah football fan you will find.

4. She taught me how to be a Utah football fan.

5. My mom has run 10 marathons and counting.

6. She spends her days teaching teenagers Algebra.

7. One time she got lost....okay maybe more than once. It keeps her humble.

8. She loves her children unconditionally. No matter how many times we say or do stupid things she still loves us the same if not more.

9. She is a selfless server of everyone around her.

10. I can make her laugh at herself.

11. She's a big Jazz fan.

12. We can cheer for different teams, like during the super bowl yesterday, and still say I love you afterwards.

13. She has this obsession with a dog. It's kinda cute.

14. She has this incredible testimony that continues to amaze me.

15. I love calling her when I've had a bad day.

16. I love calling her when I've had a great day.

17. She helps me solve my problems.

18. She lets me take her jeep at 5 AM when my car gets towed.

19. She always believes in me and my dreams. Even if my dreams change on a daily basis.

20. My mom is my biggest fan.

21. My mom has a fantasy football and basketball team. And she wins.

22. She'll spend 100 bucks to go to Reba and George Straight with me.

23. She supports me in all that I do.

24. My mom listens to Rush.

25. She drives a Jeep with a big U on the tire.

26. She had three kids with no epidural.

27. This one time we got our picture taken together and we just laughed the whole time.

28. My mom went to college with three kids.

29. She always stands up for what is right.

30. My mom has an opinion and she's not afraid to voice it.

31. I'm learning how to take care of her when she gets old, cause I see how she takes care of her mom.

32. I could watch Criminal Minds with her for 24 hours straight.

33. She records everything on tv with VCR tapes.

34. She drinks diet coke like it's her life line.

35. When I go shopping with her she pays for everything.

36. My mom is a pretty good driver, except for that one time she almost got me killed turning on a red light.

37. She is the best person to have gospel talks with.

38. I can tease her and she usually doesn't get mad.

39. She's proud of me.

40. She always has to pee.

41. My mom spoils her grandkids. There isn't anything she wouldn't give them.

42. My nephews love her so much. They cry when they have to leave my parents house or even just their presence.

43. My mom could totally beat your mom up. She is so buff!

44. She lets me steal toilet paper from her.

45. I wouldn't live with Kristen if it weren't for my mom.

46. She cried when I moved 5 minutes from home.

47. She always believed I would get into the nursing program even when I didn't believe it.

48. I used to sing "bad mommy, bad mommy, watcha gonna do, watcha gonna do when they come for you." (to the COPS theme song) Then one time the cops did come and I hid under the bed cause I didn't want them to take my mommy.

49. I will always be her baby doll.

My mom is my hero. Happy Birthday Mamma! I love you!

The Good Stuff

I'm sure many of you have seen this video. But watch it again anyway. We all need some inspiration.

Some Sunday inspiration for us all:

Therapy

Playlists. I love making playlists. You know on itunes? It's the best.

I think it's become a type of therapy for me. And then I listen to the playlist for a few weeks over and over and over again.

It's therapeutic.

What's your therapy?

I'm Not Getting Sick

So I've been fighting getting sick since Sunday.

Today it got bad enough that I thought I might have the flu. I drove out to work and had them do a flu test. That nasal swab is awful!

Anyway, no flu! Hooray!

But I'm determined to not be sick. I kept telling myself I'm healthy, I'm healthy, I'm healthy, I'm healthy.

I don't think it's working.....

Redefining Beauty

I've been doing some research.

Lately I feel as if everyone I know is worried about how they look. I mean almost everyone. It makes me sad and worried.

What is beauty? Who gets to decide who is beautiful? Who gets to decide what "skinny" is? And why do we let "them" decide?

This past summer I met some pretty shallow guys. Guys who told me that they are only attracted to really, really, really skinny girls. I kept thinking "Why does my pant size matter? What gives them the right to care about my pant size? Who do they think they are?" It made me angry to say the least.

I was in Target the other day when a young mother said to her young daughter "Stop asking me about that every 5 minutes. It's like that is all you are thinking about it. Why don't you think about exercising and being skinny?" I was horrified. And I wanted to say something, but I didn't.

Even in an LDS world that I live in, where we are told that women are divine and daughters of God, I see women more worried about how they look than who they are.

I recently read an article in LDS Living, entitled Beauty Redefined: Rejecting the Media's Impossible Standards, it said that Salt Lake was ranked the "Vainest City in the Country" in 2007 and 2008. And in the top 5 in 2009. "This ranking is due to the city's record-breaking amount spent on beauty products and treatments like Botox, an amount that is ten-fold the amount spent in cities of comparable size. If you've looked at billboards along any Utah freeway, you've won't be shocked to hear Salt Lake City has the most plastic surgeons per capita, at six per 100,000 residents, trumping New York City and Los Angeles."

So, let's redefine beauty! It's up to us really. What are we going to teach our daughters? What are we going to change about OUR definition of beauty? We get to decide; we get to define it. Not "them". Whoever "them" is.

I love when I see the campaign's like Dove's Real Beauty Campaign! Dove's Evolution Video. Or BYU Women's Services Recapturing Beauty Campaign! I love it!

I also recently read a post from CJane's blog. It was a guest post from one of her friends, Janna Dean, who is social worker. She said the scale determines how we feel about ourselves. If the number goes up we're depressed and if the number goes down we're happy. I know I am guilty of this. And as sad as it is it's true. I'm almost 99% sure any girl reading this right now agrees. Janna also said we get to choose our battle. "Rather than engaging in a battle laid out for you by the media and body-obsessed culture-a battle designed for you to lose-you can choose to fight a battle you can win. You can choose a battle that will help you achieve self-esteem and acceptance you are craving. I choose to battle the notion that my body shape, skin, hair style, clothing, and weight have anything to do with the peace I find in my life."

Janna also gave some helpful tips for this battle:

• Throw away your scale
• Eliminate "fat" talk
• Say something positive about yourself everyday
• Express gratitude
• Make a list of things your body did well that day
• Eat when you're hungry, stop when you're full
• Exercise when it feels good and stop when it doesn't
• Become a critical viewer of the media
• Give up talk about dieting, calories, etc.
• Work on developing things you are passionate about

And I'm adding one more thing to this list because its power is real

• Pray for the Lord's help

And from an Apostle of Jesus Christ, Jeffrey R. Holland:

"I plead with you young women to please be more accepting of yourselves, including your body shape and style, with a little less longing to look like someone else. We are all different. Some are tall, and some are short. Some are round, and some are thin. And almost everyone at some time or other wants to be something they are not! But as one adviser to teenage girls said: “You can’t live your life worrying that the world is staring at you. When you let people’s opinions make you self-conscious you give away your power. … The key to feeling [confident] is to always listen to your inner self—[the real you.]” And in the kingdom of God, the real you is “more precious than rubies.” Every young woman is a child of destiny and every adult woman a powerful force for good. I mention adult women because, sisters, you are our greatest examples and resource for these young women. And if you are obsessing over being a size 2, you won’t be very surprised when your daughter or the Mia Maid in your class does the same and makes herself physically ill trying to accomplish it. We should all be as fit as we can be—that’s good Word of Wisdom doctrine. That means eating right and exercising and helping our bodies function at their optimum strength. We could probably all do better in that regard. But I speak here of optimum health; there is no universal optimum size." (full talk here)

So, we all have a choice. We all have a battle to fight. Which battle you fight is up to you. I know for myself I'm choosing the battle against the world.

I wanna love my body just the way it is. I wanna teach my daughters about real beauty. I wanna teach them what Janna Dean wrote. I wanna teach them about recapturing and redefining beauty. I wanna teach them what Elder Holland has tried to teach us. I wanna learn what Elder Holland has taught. I wanna redefine beauty. I wanna define beauty.

Will you join me?

Extra Cash

I keep seeing these ads for Google AdSense. And I've decided to try it out. You'll now see ads after my posts and on the sidebar. Look below. Look to the right. See? If you click on those ads I get money! Cool, huh? So, click away!

Thanks!

Help!

If you're reading this you found me! Everything is pretty much the same. A little different, but the same too. Anyway, I need a new title.

I need your help. Any suggestions?

In Love Again

I'm in love....

with my LIFE!

I realized this as I was running tonight. I'm so grateful for wonderful realizations like this. I'm just so happy with where my life is right now. Of course there are things I still want in my life, things I wanna do, things I wanna be. And I'm working towards those things. But right now I know I'm where I'm supposed to be, doing what I'm supposed to be doing, being who I'm supposed to be. It's incredible!

I've never felt this strongly and wonderfully about my life. I love it. I'm in love!