New

I've never really loved the idea of New Year's Resolutions. I think we should be constantly checking ourselves and making goals not just at the beginning of a new year, but always. But I do love something new. A new day. A new week. A new semester. A new job. A new pair of shoes. A new book. A new shirt. A new year. There is something refreshing about new.

I read this talk by Jeffrey R. Holland. It's entitled The Best is Yet to Be. He talks of Lot's wife and her mistake in looking back, longing for the past. In Genesis 19:17 it states "Look not behind thee". I think of this in two ways. Don't look back to previous mistakes and don't look back longing for the "happier times". As I approach 2012, I think about mistakes I made in 2011, and in previous years, and I also think that there may be times this coming year when I will wish to go back to "happier times". So, I've decided to make "Look not behind thee" my theme for 2012.

Elder Holland's thoughts on "looking not behind thee":

"As a new year begins and we try to benefit from a proper view of what has gone before, I plead with you not to dwell on days now gone nor to yearn vainly for yesterdays, however good those yesterdays may have been. Remember that faith is always pointed toward the future."

"You can remember just enough to avoid repeating the mistake, but then put the rest of it all on the dung heap Paul spoke of to the Philippians. Dismiss the destructive, and keep dismissing it until the beauty of the Atonement of Christ has revealed to you your bright future. God doesn't care nearly as much about where you have been as He does about where you are and with His help where you are willing to go."

Although I don't want to dwell on the past, I do want to learn from it. There are habits I wanna change. And a new year is a great time to change. There are areas I need to improve. And again a new year is a great time to improve. I wanna grow. I can do this without looking behind me. I can also remember all the great times I've had in the past, but also look forward with faith and happiness in the future.

As I think about the new year, 2012, ahead of me I have no idea what it will bring. But I do know one thing. Graduation. After that, I have no idea.

I went to the dentist earlier this week. The dental assistant asked me if I'd like to make a check up for six months. I said "um, sure. I don't know where I'm going be in six months, but I'll just call and change it if I need to." She said "How about Thursday?" I said "uh, sure." She said "How about 3 o'clock?" Again, "uh, sure." It was weird and surreal to think I literally have no idea where I'm going to be when that dentist appointment comes around. Never in my life have I had that before. When I graduated high school I knew I'd be staying in Provo and going to BYU. But now, now I have no idea where I will be in six months. It's terrifying and exhilarating all at the same time.

So the new year. 2012. "Look not behind thee". Change. Improvement. Growth. Graduation. And the unknown.

Elder Holland says that "every day ought to be the start of a new year and a new life. Such is the wonder of faith, repentance, and the miracle of the gospel of Jesus Christ."

So I won't be making any New Year's Resolutions this year, but I will be making changes and improvements to start a new year and a new life. I know what I need to do. I know what I want to do. And I know I can do it.

Here's to the refreshment of a new year!

Wrong

Since June 3rd was the last time I blogged I figured it was about time to write again. I'm not sure why I stopped blogging, but here I am more than six months later blogging.

Six months is a long time and yet I can't think of what to blog about it. I'm sure I had great thoughts and ideas in those six months that would make great posts.

Here's something I've been thinking about. In May it will mark five years since my graduation from high school. Five years. Half a decade. I think about where I was then and where I am now. And I'm stinkin' proud of myself. I was so naive. Man, I thought I was the bees knees. Man, was I wrong. I thought a lot of things that were wrong.

I thought I would be friends with my friends in high school forever. I remember Dr. Fullmer telling us that we probably wouldn't be friends with the friends we had then after high school and for some us we would never see each other again. And I remember thinking you're wrong, Dr. Fullmer, I will be friends with these people forever! It turns out I was wrong. Now I find myself avoiding people I knew in high school. Not because I don't want to talk to them or see them, but because I'm a different person now than I was then. A whole different person. And it's okay that I'm not friends with my friends from high school. In fact, it's good in a way.

I thought I would be married maybe with a baby by the time my five year reunion came around. A lot, probably most, of the people I know from high school are married with kids. And most of them have blogs where they record their love for their husbands and children. They write about how cute their newborns smile is or how incredible their husband is. They may write about how fast their children are growing, their first word, their first step. After high school you're expected to go to college, get married, and start a family. Somehow being married and having kids has became a stigma of success. Of course I want those things and I look forward with anticipation to blogging about my husband and kids. But I don't base how successful I feel about my life on that.

I thought a lot more things that were wrong that don't need to be hashed out here. My point is that even though where I thought I would be or where society thinks I need to be I am proud of myself. And I'm grateful I'm here and not there. Right now I'm content. I'm successful. I'm proud of myself. I'm glad I was wrong. I'm glad I'm a whole different person now. Being wrong turned out to be right.

Will I go to my five year reunion like I always said I would? Probably not. Just another thing I was wrong about.